The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.  

    Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!".

    The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

    Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,  "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

    The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."

    The men sat in silence, marvelling at the courage of such a man.  

    As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, ten of them, all with boarding parties on their way.

    The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command.

    The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

   Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...."

   "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

   Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

   The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. Please tell him simply to answer the question."

   But the Judge said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

   Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.  Then the Patrolman come across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"