[To follow the True History from the beginning, click on "First Entry"]
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When the Lord saw that the daughters of men could not be stopped from fornicating with the Sons of God, and with the sons of men, and sometimes with one another, He kicked Himself: "The LORD utterly repented that He had made humans on the earth. The mistake grieved Him in His heart" (Gen. 6:6).
But then He thought: "Why should I should beat up on My self? Better to beat up on them." That is when Dad swore He would kill every living thing on the planet, except the fish.
(The fish were fornicating more often than anyone. Dad could see that – the water was clear enough, in those days – but He did not mind the fishes' behaviour so much, because fish-monogamy had never been part of His Intelligent Design.)
Yahveh said, "Behold, I shall wipe from the surface of the earth the fornicating life that I created, including the humans, and the beasts, and the creeping things, and the birds of the air. I wish that I had never made them!" (Gen. 6:7).
"Father," said the holy Ghost, consolingly, "at least we tried."
Jesus suggested a compromise: "Search the planet. Identify all daughters of men who have remained chaste, as adults. Save those gals, kill the rest."
So Dad changed His mind once more, thanks to Jesus. But finding a chaste woman over age 14 was like looking for a noodle in a haystack. In those days, I do believe we could have taken every woman on the planet, and laid them end to end, and I would not have been surprised, just tired.
In a thorough search, the Trinity identified only four Earth women who were safely united in a heterosexual monogamous marriage, all of whom lived in Mesopotamia: these were the wife of righteous Noah, and the wives of their three sons, Shem, Cham, and Japheth (Gen. 6:8-12).
Yahveh then said to Noah, "Behold, the end is near for all flesh on the Earth that fornicates ... Build Me an Ark of gopher wood. Make it 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high. Cover it with tar, inside and out. The Ark will have a first, a second, and a third interior deck. Put a door in the side. And make one window in the Ark, one cubit high" (Gen. 5:14-16).
Noah said, "Right," but he said it in a way that Bill Cosby got all wrong. It wasn't "Riiiiiight," with a skeptical tone of voice. It was more like, "Right!" – Noah knew never to say "right" the way Bill Cosby says it, or Yahveh would have killed him. (I'm actually surprised that Yahveh never killed Bill Cosby.)
"Behold," said Yahveh, "I alone shall bring a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all fornicating flesh under Heaven; but I will make a deal with you: every other breathing creature on the surface of the Earth shall die; but you will enter the Ark, you and your sons, and your wife, and your three daughters-in-law" (Gen. 6: 19-21).
Who else, among mortal man (except Howard Hughes, who was not yet born), would have dropped what he was doing (fornication, usually, in those days) in order to build an enormous wooden boat in the Mesopotamian desert? This was 2,444 BCE. Boats had not yet been invented. Faithful Noah had no modern tools, no public transport, and no gopher trees. He had never built a gopher-tree canoe, much less a cruise ship. But he said "Right!" so that God would not kill him.
Noah was assisted by his three sons and by his hundreds of grand-, and great-, and great-great-great grandchildren. Even so, it took Noah's family one hundred years to build the Ark. The youngsters were unreliable. Most of them would show up late for work; or else quit early, run off into the shrubbery, and fornicate. And when the Flood finally came, God killed them (Gen. 5:32).
– L.
(Up next: What a zoo!)
