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Lucifer's True History of Everything

Dec 5, 08 03:58 PM

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***

.... Let's get back to our story, shall we?  I have not yet told you about your first mother, Eve, of whom I have the fondest memories....

"Of all the beasts of the field created by the LORD, snakes were the most subtle" (Gen. 3:1).  Among other subtleties, the snakes of the prehistoric era could speak Hebrew.

One day, an ordinary-looking male snake walked up to Eve as she lay naked, sunning herself in the Garden, and said (in Hebrew) –

"Yea, Eve!  Has God said, 'You shall not eat from the trees in the Garden?" (Gen. 3:2).

 – but it was not really one of Eden's talking snakes at all.  It was I, Lucifer, in disguise!  Because I can talk Hebrew, too! 

The Earth woman and I had never been formally introduced.  She didn't know me from Adam (ha!), or from a talking snake, for that matter.  I did, however, give her a visual hint that something was up:  while every other snake in the Garden of Eden drooped lazily from a tree branch, doing nothing, I stood before her as erect as a fencepost.

When confronted with a snake, many women will excuse themselves, and run, but Eve stayed on to chat.  "Oh, yes!" she said. "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the Garden – but of the fruit of the tree which is in the middle of the Garden, God has said, 'You must not eat of that one, neither shall you touch it, for you shall surely die on the same day that you eat of it" (Gen. 3.3, 2.17).

"Die?" said I.  "No, you shall not surely die.  For Yahveh knows the truth:  On the same day that you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you shall be like one of the holy Trinity, understanding both good and evil" (Gen. 3:4-5).

Eve grinned a little, mulling the possibilities.

God had said one thing.  I had said another.  Here was something new to her experience:  a logical contradiction, an intellectual challenge, an opportunity to learn!  Eve was thrilled.  She worked through the problem, step by step, relying not on faith alone, but on her own snake-like feminine subtlety:

Who's right, God, or the Snake? Who's good?  Who's evil?  Who, around this place, can even tell the difference?  Not my husband, Adam!

But she did not yet put forth her hand to touch the hanging fruit, and pluck, and eat.  She touched me, instead.  I stood a little taller.

Maybe God and the Snake are both good!  Maybe both are evil.  But if the Snake is good, and the Lord is evil, or if the Lord is good and the Snake is evil, what does that mean?  Which is better, I wonder, "good" or "evil"?  I'm so confused!  I do know, from personal experience, that "good" is quite yummy.  Perhaps evil will be even nicer.  I guess I won't know for sure until I try!

 – L.

(Tomorrow: Sin enters the world!  Guess how!)

Eve&Me.jpg

 

Posted by Lucifer at 03:58 PM

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