***
[An aside: Hearty congratulations to my dear personal friend, Barack Obama, on his stunning election victory in the United States of America. Also, my congratulations to the Lord's dear personal friend, Sarah Palin, on her new wardrobe. Talk about "Shock and Awe!" The Lord promised Sarah an "upset victory." And He wasn't just kidding! Because Barack's victory (for Sarah) was pretty damned upsetting!
Maybe now the Americans, with their astonishing wealth and advanced technology, can focus on meeting human needs and caring for the planet.]
***
God has no issue with Science. It's Art that gets Him upset. Take those skin-pics of your mother Eve displayed in the Louvre, the British Museum, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the Internet. Take a good, hard look. Do those pictures truly make you want to worship Jesus? or do they make you want to worship naked women?
Nuns and Christian biology teachers look at Eve's naked body and they think: "What an intelligent design for human reproduction!"
Innocent children look at paintings of Eve's naked body and think: "Why does she have a hand or a fig leaf covering her pubic hair, which is something I would kinda like to be able to see?"
Gay priests don't even look at Eve, they look at naked Adam.
But most of the other guys are looking at Eve, and they're thinking: "With a babe like her in the Garden of Eden, why would Adam waste his time on a forbidden apple?"
But here's the truth, Eve did not resemble those fleshy pin-ups in the art museum. She looked more like a naked Neanderthal. That's because Eve was, in fact, a naked Neanderthal – no ape, to be sure; but short and stooped, with a low forehead, beetle-brows, recessed chin, long arms, large hands and feet, and quite hairy all over, not just under the figleaves.
Since that first Friday afternoon when Yahveh made man in His own image, the human form has changed quite a bit but God's has not. Thanks to processed food, and cheap beer, and too much pork, every human generation less resembles the Lord than the one before. But that's not what God calls "evolving," that's what He calls "descending" or "degenerating" within the same species. Humans today are taller than they used to be. Moderns have larger foreheads, sharper chins, straighter backs, less hair, and worse eyesight than in days of yore. So when modern people think of God, they naturally think of an old man who looks like their granddad, or maybe like George Burns or Bill Cosby. But anyone who has ever actually seen Yahveh will back me up when I tell you that the Lord looks nothing like an elderly movie star. He looks like an oversized Adam – like a giant Neanderthal. Don't laugh. It is not Yahveh who, in Yahveh's eyes, is caveman-ugly. It's you.
– L.
Adam: Modern man:
Tomorrow: Just wait till you see EVE!!!
