***
When you talk to God, even though you can't see Him, it's called
prayer. When God talks to you, it's called
schizophrenia. That doesn't mean that the two of you should not talk, or that the one of you and the three of Him should not talk, or that the one of Him and the three of you should not talk – however you work it out is okay. The biblical injunction is simply to "Pray without ceasing" (
Acts 12:5). And the second good rule of thumb is: “Don’t let anyone else overhear you.”
Most people, when they pray to God, are not really interested in having a meaningful conversation. Usually, they just want to ask Him for stuff:
Help me, Lord, to find my car keys (
a boyfriend / job / rent-controled apartment).
Please, O Lord, cure my headache (
lung cancer / teen acne).
O Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz? (
a colour TV? / a night on the town?).
My born-again Christian friends tell me that Jesus answers
every prayer: "It's just that sometimes his answer is
Yes, and sometimes his answer is
No."
Okay, granted: A fire hydrant or a Buddha statue will answer your prayers with one of the same two replies,
yes or
no, in roughly the same proportions, as Jesus will do. (But if you pray to an idol, Jesus may kill you; so I say: Pray to Jesus, it’s safer.)
BTW: Sometimes, if you have enough faith, prayer actually does work.
Keep in mind, however, that unless God takes a special liking to you (videlicet, Moses, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, George W. Bush), the Lord is gonna do what the Lord is gonna do. So if you need to pray, the safest strategy is to figure out what God will do anyway, and to pray for that.
Example: "Dear Lord, please don't allow my boyfriend to get struck by lightning." Or: "Please, Lord, don't let a piano fall from the sky on my boss's head." Or: "Our Father who art in Heaven, please permit me to pay taxes to the government." Or: "Dear Lord, please give us sunshine for our church picnic Saturday afternoon, as forecast on the Weather Channel" (but that last one can be a little chancy).
And at bedtime, you should say: "Phew! Thanks, Lord.
You're amazing!" (If you forget to praise Him, you'll never get what you asked for, that's just the way His personality works.)
Here are some ways
not to pray:
• "O Lord, thousands of children die each day from malnutrition. Feed them."
• "Dear God, millions suffer from untreated disease. Heal them."
• "O Lord, will You please steer that big hurricane in some other direction than the Gulf Coast of the United States?"
God is powerful, and He can often do things that will surprise you. But don't expect Yahveh, or Jesus for that matter, to smile on overly-ambitious prayer requests. Those kinds of prayers actually
annoy Him, because they fall on His ears like veiled criticism, or (worse) like
begging, which—because He is holy—He cannot tolerate.
– L.
(
Tomorrow: the right way to pray)
