Lucifer's True History of Everything
Apr 19, 08 08:55 AM
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Not long after the Resurrection, the Romans realised that they had made a terrible mistake when they tacked Jesus of Nazareth to that cross in Jerusalem: for the incident spawned what looked, to the Romans, like a whole new religion.
Rising to the challenge, the government of pagan Rome disposed of Christians as fast as tax dollars and hungry lions would allow. Saul of Tarsus helped, too. But religious persecution only added oil to the fire. Then Saul got saved, and became Paul the missionary. That is when the real trouble started. Saul's conversion on the Road to Damascus was the beginning of the end for traditional Western values.
Following Paul’s conversion (most especially, after the abolition of ritual circumcision as a prerequisite for salvation), wealthy Romans watched with horror as Christianity spread throughout the empire, jumping from one city to the next, like head lice. By the time the Sixties (CE) rolled around, Jesus was more popular than Emperor Nero and the goddess Venus put together. People began writing books about him. By the end of the first century, five of the twelve original disciples had written Jesus biographies, four of which (by Matthew, John, James, and Thomas) were divinely inspired, not to mention those by the latecomers, Mark (Simon Peter's son) and Luke (a friend of Saint Paul), which were two of the greatest gospels ever.
By the end of the second century, some people were saying that Jesus is not just "the Son of Man," as he preferred to call himself. Some people were saying that Jesus was "the Son of God." And some people were right!
Still his reputation grew. In 325 CE, pursuant to a seven-week, knock-down screaming match between "Arian" and "anti-Arian" bishops at the Council of Nicaea, Christians learned that Jesus was not just "the Son of Man" (like Ezekiel), nor even just "the Son of God" (as the Lord Himself used to call Bubba, Belial, and me): Jesus, it was discovered, is "absolute God." His popularity ratings soared. If you could've bought up everyone's stock in Jesus just before the Council of Nicaea, and then cashed out, you'd have made a killing.
– L.
Now that Islam has replaced Roman Catholicism as the world's most popular religion, Pope Joe Ratzinger intends to address the problem. He has made a trip to America on a public relations tour. A recent poll indicates that 62% of American Roman Catholics believe that the Church is out of touch. The other 38% are children who say No, that's not true, the Church touches them all the time!
Posted by Lucifer at 08:55 AM
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