Lucifer's True History of Everything
May 18, 07 10:17 PM
Previous Entry
Next Entry
First Entry
The Sixteen Disciples (cont.)
Sadly, fat Nathanael perished in a tragic fishing accident, an incident that the New Testament narrative all but glosses over so as not to put Saint Peter in a bad light, and so as not to cast a pall over the glorious story of the Resurrection which immediately precedes it (John 21:3, Acts 1:13).
Nathanael's death came about on this wise:
On the first Wednesday after the Crucifixion, Simon Peter said, in provincial Aramaic, "I go a-fishing."
Thomas, Nathanael, Andrew, Philip, James, and John said, "Wait, we go a-fishing with thee!" (John 21:2, KJV).
That night, out on the Sea of Galilee, Nathanael boasted that he could walk on water "a whole lot farther than the Cephas." (Nathanael, when drunk, had a way of saying "Cephas" that made it sound vaguely insulting, like "Doofus.")
Simon Peter said to the others, "Maybe Nathanael, that fat Tshit [drunk], should put his money where his mouth is."
So the two men placed a bet. Nathanael drew the lot to go first. But when he stepped off the stern – having already chugged down one too many for the road – Nathanael got tangled in an empty fishnet, and drowned before the others could save him (John 21:3-5).
Peter feared that the risen Lord, when he heard of Nathanael's death, would be annoyed and say to them all: "Woe unto you!" Instead, Jesus showed up the next morning on the pebbled beach of the Sea of Galilee, with a bucket of sardines (which he fried himself) and several baskets of dry barleybread.
Seeing that it was the Lord, Peter stripped off his clothes and swam to meet him, not just because he was hungry for breakfast, but because he wanted to be the first one to tell his version of the empty net and of what happened to Nathanael (John 21:7-10); because, too often, in this world, when there is a death by drowning of a well-known figure – such as Jeff Buckley (1997), or Dennis Wilson (1983), or Natalie Wood (1981), or Brian Jones or Mary Jo Kopechne (1969), or Nathanael of Cana (30 BCE) – some people, including Jesus, are always quick to assume that alcohol or drugs were involved.
Beloved John, who could not swim, remained stuck on the sailboat with Thomas, Andrew, Philip, and James, dragging along a badly bloated Nathanael, who was still tangled in the fishnet. (The corpse later tipped the Capernaum scales, by John's report, at "153 keeper-sized carp," or roughly 196 pounds, which doesn't sound like much until you recall that Nathanael stood only 4'3" tall [John 21:11]).
As the sailboat inched along, John paddled vigorously, chafing to see Simon Peter there on the shore, in the full monty, sharing a breakfast with a stranger who might indeed be the risen Lord; which he thought Peter had no right to be doing, not any more than if Peter were a full-monty Mary Magdalene.
When the boat finally made it to the dock, the stranger said, "Come eat, fellas." So that's what they did.
The man looked strangely unfamiliar, yet not one of the disciples dared to ask him, over breakfast, "Are you Jesus?" (John 21:12).
(Most of the disciples suspected that the stranger probably was Jesus and they were right, because that it who it really was. So in a way, it is too bad that they were afraid to ask the question that was bugging them over breakfast.)
John and Peter, meanwhile, got into a little tiff, not shaking hands or making up again until Peter wrapped his loins in a towel and personally served John some breakfast, which Peter at first refused to do. The stranger had to command Peter three times ("Cephas, Feed my lamb!" plus one "Feed my little bird!" plus one nearly-uttered "Woe unto – "), before Peter finally obeyed, and snarled, "Okay, okay, I'll feed him!" (John 21:15-22).
Before walking up over the ridge and disappearing from their sight, the stranger said, with a slight lisp, "One other thing: Wheresoever the body lies, thither shall the vultures be gathered together" (Luke 17:37). He then turned to go.
Later that same day, some 200 yards down the beach, that prophecy came true on poor Nathanael. The vultures gathered together, and they ate him.
– L.
Up next: religious extremism!)
Posted by Lucifer at 10:17 PM
Previous Entry
Next Entry
Who is Lucifer? Vote here
First Entry
