Lucifer's True History of Everything
Aug 28, 06 08:46 AM
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Lucifer's True Life of Jesus
Jesus, the Son of God, always called himself "the Son of Man," to express his solidarity with the first "Son of Man," the prophet Ezekiel (Ezek. 2:1-47:6); but Jesus was actually the son of a woman, the firstborn son of the Virgin Mary, "the Mother of God," but the spirit of the Son of God did not have Mary as an actual literal mother, only his body did. Does. Here's a convenient way to remember it: on 21 March, 1 BCE, shortly after a visit to Mary's house by a male angel named Gabriel ("the Annunciation"), Mary ran away to Judaea, during which time Jesus' body was fathered by the holy Ghost ("the Conception"); neither of whose spirits, however, was Jesus' true father, who was Yahveh, who is not Jesus' literal spiritual or biological father because "Father" is just a figure of speech used to denote the inscrutable mystery of the holy Trinity, the first of whom is Yahveh, or God the Father, who is actually more like Jesus' senior twin brother, and the holy Ghost, more like a close personal friend who, as a surrogate biological father, donated a single spermatozoid without ever having any actual intimate bodily contact with Jesus' biological mother, who was Mary. Is Mary. None of whom should be confused with Gabriel, who was just a handsome, well-spoken messenger (although, in my opinion, a jerk); nor with Joseph, who never really understood what was going on; nor with Mary's virgin body, which played essentially the same innocent role in all of this as a divinely commandeered FedEx truck.
While Jesus was growing up, he had a complicated family situation both upstairs and down. The gospels of Matthew and Luke (and this remains a spiritual mystery even to the Church's most eminent theologians) trace Jesus' biological descent not as the son of Mary, but as the son of a man, Joseph of Nazareth; whose family tree was itself a twisted one: Joseph, a carpenter's apprentice, is said to have been begotten by two different biological fathers, Jacob Ben-Eleazar and Eloi Ben-Levi. The reason for this seeming contradiction or ambiguity of Scripture is that Joseph's mother, a Ms. Matthat "Mattie" Matthan, was never herself sure who Joseph's real father was. But Jacob and Eloi were the two men in her life, back then, to whom Joseph as a boy bore the closest physical resemblance. The holy Ghost therefore reports both theories about Joseph's paternity, without necessarily endorsing either candidate (Matt. 1:15-16, Mark 15:34, Luke 3:22-23).
The important thing is that this lifelong confusion about his own dual paternity prepared Joseph spiritually to understand the complex psychological predicament of his divine stepson, Jesus, who grew up with three possible "Father" figures: Yahveh, the holy Ghost, and Joseph of Nazareth. And Joseph was therefore able to console his divine stepson whenever the boy was teased by such cruel, childish remarks as "Go away! You can't play games with us, you bastard son of a cuckolded carpenter's apprentice."
I know you will forgive me if I say nothing of Jesus' genealogy on the mother's side, because the Bible is likewise mum on thatsubject. For sundry and weighty reasons, the holy Ghost chose not to mention Mary's family history anywhere in the New Testament; one of which is that its disclosure would be poorly received by the Vatican.
– L.
(Tomorrow: The Conception! —Immaculate!)
Posted by Lucifer at 08:46 AM
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