For three years. Saul's old friends on the Posse wondered what had become of their leader. Saul's mother wondered what had become of her son. Ananias wondered what had become of the healed blind stranger from the North country, and that fine Arabian camel, Karka Kartali. But mostly it was the Tarsus creditors who wondered what had become of Saul "Junior" Abbaskoptzi, "that tent-selling heretic-chasing Pharisee schmuck" who borrowed so much money and then absconded.

The bankers had their ways of finding out. These "cruel and inhuman Jewish usurers" (as Saint Paul called them) are the reason that the Apostle had to fib a little – okay, fairly often – when remarking on his whereabouts during those first three years after he became a Christian (e.g., Acts 9:19-20, 9:26-8, 22:10-18, 26:19-20; Gal. 1:16-2:1; I Cor. 15:8); only he could never keep his story straight.

Paul's conversion was a totally life-changing experience, to a degree. As the Pharisee son of a Pharisee, Saul had preached capital punishment for Jewish converts to Christianity: Thereafter, as a born-again Jew for Jesus, Saul-Paul preached death for transvestites, "effeminates," and homosexuals, while preaching God's grace for born-again Christians (videlicet Pat Robertson and Fred Phelps) who may possibly lean in that direction so long as they never actually bugger anyone. And though Paul no longer remained "blameless" and "perfect" under the Law of Moses, he did continue to support human slavery, both literal and figurative, and he continued to revile women. So his morals remained quite Biblical.

Sadly, Saint Paul never overcame his bipolar tendency to brag one moment and whine the next (which is why even many first-century Christians of Saint Peter's party still said, "That Paul of Damascus, what a schmuck!"). But the holy Trinity knew a good gospel salesman when They saw one. When it came to doing missionary work, eight of Jesus' Eleven disciples were a disappointment, and Judas Iscariot, a fiasco. But the apostle Paul was different. Paul had a gift for evangelism not seen again until the age of Billy Graham, nor even in the age of Jim Bakker, Vincent Bertollini, Bill Bright, Morris Cerullo, Kenneth Copeland, Paul Crouch, Jerry Falwell, Frankie Graham, Marvin Gorman, Benny Hinn, Rodney Howard-Browne, Oral Roberts, Pat Robertson, Al Sharpton, Karl and Dan Strader, and Jimmy Swaggart – evangelists whose combined annual salary has exceeded the gross national product of most developing nations; yet here was Paul, who exceeded them all while preaching without a paycheck. For once in his unlucky life, Jesus picked a disciple and evangelist who would really come through for him.

– L.

(To be continued!)