The entire New Testament records only one African convert, a well-dressed lady whom Philip met on the road to Cairo, while setting out for his second missionary tour of the dark continent. The woman was riding in a sporty but elegant chariot, the first-century equivalent of a BMW Z3 convertible, pulled at high speed by a handsome Arabian stallion. Seeing Philip walking alone along the dusty road, she stopped alongside.

"Hey, there, big guy," she said. "What's your name?"

"My name is Philip," said Philip. "And I love your horse."

The African lady offered Philip a lift. Her chariot was a single, but the apostle squeezed in alongside. The woman gave the reins a tug, and they took off again, though not at high speed, down the Gaza strip, toward Egypt. Philip, a poor Galilean fisherman's son, had never had such an experience. He found it quite thrilling.

Along the way, Philip shared the gospel message, beginning with the book of Isaiah. He spoke of Jesus and explained the Four Steps to Peace with God. And he invited the African lady to accept Jesus Christ into her heart as her personal lord and saviour.

Much to his surprise, she accepted. Philip was thunderstruck. This was the first African who ever said yes.

"I hope," said Philip, after they had prayed together, "that you will go forth now, and share the gospel with other African ladies."

"Oh, I'm no lady," said the lady. "I'm a man."

"Sorry," said Philip. "To us Jews, you Africans all look alike." (But Philip noticed now that the Ethiopian's ears were rather large, and her bosom, almost flat.)

"Well," said the African, graciously, "I'm not 100%. My name is Caroline the eunuch."

Philip felt suddenly embarrassed, to be riding along, almost chest-to-chest, in a one-man chariot with a cross-dressed African eunuch named Caroline.

"Eunuch is okay," said Philip, finally. "In fact, eunuch is good. But not transvestite. Oh, Caroline, the penalty for cross-dressing is death! – Deuteronomy 22:5."

"Let not the Lord kill me!" said Caroline, pleadingly. "I am Assistant Treasurer under Camella, in the court of Candace, Queen of Ethiopia. This is my uniform, which they make me wear" (Acts 8:27).

"Tell them you're a Christian," said Philip. "What do you have to lose?"

"That was mean," said Caroline.

"I'm sorry," said Philip. "That's not what I meant."

Caroline began to weep.

Philip consoled him, saying, "Some men are born castrates. Some men achieve castration. And some men have castration thrust upon them. He that is able to accept it, let him accept it – Matthew 19:12."

"Come, Philip," said Caroline, stopping the chariot. "Baptise me! Immerse me!" (Acts 8:36).

The sun was just now going down over the sea. It was a lovely sunset. Kicking off their sandals, Philip and Caroline walked across the beach, holding hands in the Lord. They waded into the Mediterranean, up to their shoulders, where the apostle baptised her, I mean him, in the name of the Father and the Son and the holy Ghost (Acts 8:37).

As they walked back to the road, feeling the sand between their toes, Philip could not help but notice how lovely Caroline looked in a wet toga, and it wasn't "cross-dressing," it was just a government uniform, which was permitted (1 Peter 2:13).

Though slightly chilled in the evening air, they sat down to rest.

"What now?" asked Caroline.

Before it grew too dark to see what they were doing, Philip led the eunuch through Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Thessalonians 5:26, and 1 Peter 5:14; and he was halfway through teaching Caroline the Lord's prayer, saying, "lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil," when the Lord answered that prayer, quite suddenly, in a miraculous way, in the nick of time: "[T]he Spirit of the Lord made Philip suddenly vanish into the air!" (Acts 8:38).

Caroline fell nose-first into the sand.

"Philip?" he said. But there was no answer. The apostle had disappeared into space. No goodbye, no nothing.

Caroline was not totally surprised. This sort of thing had happened to her, I mean to him, before­ – so, so many times! Taking it like a man, he stood and dusted himself off, brushing the sand from his wet clothing, and walked back to his chariot, alone.

"When he could not discover what had become of Philip, the eunuch went on his way, alone, but with a rosy glow...." (Acts 8:39). Caroline realised that he and Philip were not right for each other. They were just too different: Philip was a famous apostle. Caroline was a sexually ambiguous black cross-dressed castrated Jewish born-again Ethiopian with large ears.

Philip likewise pulled himself together: "Philip materialised at Azotus. He then traveled about, preaching the gospel in all the towns until he reached Caesarea" (Acts 8:40).

Philip never returned to Africa, and never saw Caroline again – which is lucky because Philip had come within an inch of falling in love. Indeed, the great church patriarch, Origen, writes that Philip's brush with the African eunuch is why the Lord forbade the apostles thereafter to visit either the dark continent, or Asia (Acts 16:6-7); and it is also why He forbade His missionaries to penetrate the African interior until well into the 19th century (except, of course, as necessary for the Christian slave trade); by which time, however, Victorian racial and sexual attitudes kept white Christian missionaries from falling in love with sexually ambiguous racial others who were drop-dead gorgeous, such as Caroline the eunuch or Pocahontas the Indian or Michael Jackson the king of pop.

– L.