The younger Graham just can't preach like the old man – he has no fire in the gut. Okay, maybe in brief flashes: Frankie gets pretty fired up when he preaches to his brother Ned about Ned's extramarital philandering and substance abuse; or when Frankie talks about the Muslims and Jews, that really does it! but Frankie while in the pulpit never really exhibits much zeal except for the offering plate. I don't think he tries to be boring, I think he just can't help it.

My advice, if you have been toying with the idea of getting saved, is to forget the big stadium events and just go straight to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association Web site, where you can get saved from the comfort of your own home, in five minutes, without so much trouble as having to find a parking spot for your car, and without having to listen to one of Frankie Graham's tedious sermons.

In fact, do it now. It's as easy as pie. Visit http://www.billygraham.org/SH_StepsToPeace.asp, and follow the links. Think of your Web browser as a trained spiritual counselor. Simple mouse-clicks will lead you through the Four Steps to Peace with God. Trust me: the five minutes it takes to complete those Four Steps out of Hell and into Heaven will give you the best fire insurance policy you ever had, and it won't cost you a plug nickel. (Just be sure that getting saved is really what you want to do because it's damned hard to get off the BGEA mailing list once you're on it!)

One great thing about getting saved is that you can still have your fun afterwards—only now, you will be forgiven after having your fun. I mean, Ned Graham has taken the Four Steps, and look at him!

No, I take that back, don't look at Ned. I sometimes forget and tell to look at the wrong people. I know Ned personally, and I know it is no fun for him when people are looking. Believe me, it is not easy for a man to be the son of Billy Graham, and the brother of Rev. Frankie Graham, and to still have your fun, and also to serve as the president of East Gates International, which has brought China to Christ and vice versa. It's probably better to look at Frankie. But my only point is that, after you get saved, if you should happen to look somewhere else than on the crucified Lord (for example, if you should happen to look right up a girl's skirt on the high school staircase), the Lord will forgive you for doing it – but only if you have taken those Four Steps to Peace With God. Otherwise, you're screwed, and not in the sense you were just thinking of.

Here's the plan: I have made today's blog a short one, to give you the extra ten minutes you will need to visit the BGEA Website, and to collect on their free offer of eternal salvation from sin.

If it works for you, I may never see you again. This could be it. So let me just say right here and now that it's been great, and I shall miss your daily visits to BobShakespeare.com.

I'll see all the rest of you tomorrow.

– L.