Although God's brain can store more information than an imaginary hard drive as big as the Milky Way, He requires no brain cells to think (nor ears to hear your prayers, nor eyes to watch you when you're doing something you that you really wouldn't want Him to see).  The Father, Son, and holy Ghost can think better without a material brain than mortal prodigies who have got one.  That includes your world-famous William Shakespeare and Amadeus Mozart and Albert Einstein, three geniuses who, by the way, will be joining me forever in Hell, come Judgment Day.

Take it from a fallen archangel:  if you hope to escape eternal punishment, then faith, not a high IQ, is your ticket.  No matter how "good" a person you are, if you lack faith, or if you lose it after you've found it, or if you're the sort of person who thinks too much, you're basically screwed.  In which case we'll be spending a lot of time together, you and I, one of these days.

But as I had started to say:  God is 100% inscrutable, brain-free intelligence.  You cannot argue with Him, which is not to say I haven't tried.  I may be the cleverest of the ten original archangels, but God can argue circles around me.  The holy Trinity could talk square three-dimensional circles around me, blindfolded, with one figurative hand tied behind Their figurative back, and still win the argument.

A brief word here about theology:  Originally, there was no Virgin Mary, mother of God.  She came later, but she was always part of Dad's plan for what you could call the divine nuclear family.  At first it was just the three (for lack of a better word) patriarchal fellas:  God the holy Father (a.k.a. "Yahveh," rhymes with java, a.k.a. the "Lord"), God the holy Son (a.k.a. "Jesus," a.k.a. the "Lord"), and God the holy Ghost (a.k.a. the holy "Spirit").

A special caveat here about your heavenly Father:  He's touchy about His name, Yahveh.  Yahveh's extraordinary sensitivity on this point is why English Bible translators to this day substitute "the Lord" or "the LORD" wherever His name appears in the original Hebrew Scriptures.  Ordinary mortals are never supposed to speak Dad's name aloud, nor even write it out (not even in the Anglicised form, Jehovah).  It can bring you bad luck, like shouting "MACBETH!" inside a crowded theater, or "ALLAHU ACHBAR!" inside an Israeli military checkpoint.

Because I am who I am, it is okay for me to call the Lord by his actual biblical name.  Yahveh and I go way back, and besides, I've already been blacklisted – but don't you try it.  Instead, you should say "God" or "Lord" or "heavenly Father," or even "the Man upstairs."  The closest you can come to saying Yahveh is Oy veh! or  Jehovah! but even that may be pushing your luck. 

If you say the exact name, Yahveh, out loud, one of your children may wake up, some morning, with leukemia.  I wish I were kidding about that, but I'm not.  And if you should ever blaspheme the divine name, such as to say or even type the phrase, "Yahveh sucks!" that's it ­– kiss your ass goodbye, you'll be dead by sundown.

Beelzebub has just tugged on my sleeve to say that many of my readers – "Muslims, atheists, blondes, people of that sort" – have not yet figured out who I am.  I beg your pardon:

Allow me, gentle reader, to introduce myself:  my name is Lucifer – "he who bears us light" – having been christened thus by your heavenly Father and mine, way back when He first begot me, even before He created the Earth.  Christians call me "Satan" – which is the Hebrew word for opponent.  That's the hostile nickname Dad invented for me when He booted me from Heaven:  "Take that...you, you, you – Opponent!"  (Opposition was something that Dad had never encountered before.  He had no idea how to handle it gracefully, which is why He turned violent.)  But I don't mind the epithet.  In fact, it amuses me:  Lucifer, "the Opponent."  It's like if I suddenly got tired of taking the Lord's name in vain (Yahveh, Yahveh, cup o'Java!), and persuaded everyone to start calling Him: the "Big Foe."

 – L.